El Pres!dente - 100mph - Awesome video

How refreshing to see a thoroughly original video to a great bit of rock and roll :o)



Enjoy.

P.S. - Not Dial Up Friendly

Audio Playground

Was introduced to this great website where you can learn a lot about electronic musical instruments..

The Audio Playground Synthesizer Museum

Hours of fun guaranteed.

Two New Hollow Sun CD's

During my formative years, when I used to watch Top Of The Pops religiously, not for the music so much but as a form of self teaching, watching the musicians hands, studying the instruments and trying to figure out "how they did that", I started to put together a list of instruments that I simply had to have to make the noises I wanted to make. These included the SH-101, the Jupiter 8, the Prophet 5, the Fairlight, the Emulator II, the PPG Wave, the DX7 and a few more. I guess this formed the bulk of many young aspiring musicians wish lists, but there were two on my list that might not have been on many others at the time. Probably because they weren't "cutting edge" or didn't look that "cool".

The first on this list was the Yamaha CP70. Why ? Well, you simply can't beat a good piano sound and the CP70 represented a great piano sound in a compact size. I remember seeing Benny of ABBA hammering away at his CP70, loving that crisp sound or even Peter Gabriel and his chorused version. More recently, Keane used the CP70 to fantastic effect as the central instrument in their sound and style. You see, the CP70 not only sounds great but also looks kind of cool too. All other electric piano's look stunted and so is their sound. Although unique, let's face it, an electric piano doesn't actually sound like a piano. They have their own sound and it's a great sound, but it's nothing like a piano. The CP70 though "looks" like a piano, with the same shape and form as a grand, and sounds like the real thing too. Maybe because it is so close to a real piano in design....it has strings and hammers and is heavy and needs more than 2 people to lug it about. True, it's no Bosendorfer or Steinway, but it is unique and well admired and loved.

So, you might say it would be easy to sample a CP70. I mean, it only has one sound, nothing flashy. But you'd be very wrong. A piano may only have one voice, but it's probably the most expressive voice out there. Play it hard, play soft and everything in between. Use the pedals, open the lid, mic it up, change the room acoustics....many variations. Steve Howell, Hollow Sun's owner/founder/sole employee bought a used CP70 at his own expense last year and proceeded to sample every note at full length. Then using the Akai S5000's extensive range of tools and tricks (many of which were designed, created or inspired by Steve himself) he has crafted a replication of the CP70 that other library producers have used Gigabytes of data to achieve. Steve's sample sets take up a mere 100MB approx. each.

So we have a full on CP70 set, with a "lite" version for the memory conscious. We then have a set played through a Boss/Roland chorus pedal. This is/was the technique used by Peter Gabriel to achieve his signature CP70 sound. One can only speculate whether the fact that Steve used to work with Peter was the inspiration behind this. But I do know for a fact that the set up used by Steve is as close to Gabriels method as possible.

And there's more....

Owners of Akai's Z Series and MPC4000 will benefit from a "note off thunk", the sound made when each hammer comes back to rest after the key has been released. Although barely audible, it's cleverly mixed in and adds the finishing touch. This is clever use of the Z Series' features that allow this kind of trickery.

Finally, there is a selection of sweeps across the strings using a guitar plectrum, giving some interesting effects. A nice little bonus.

How do they play and sound ? Bloomin' marvellous, that's how. Especially if you use a weighted keyboard. These are really great samples. The space and depth of the sounds are big and clear and powerful. The chorused version is sparkling and the Z Series stuff is just superb with the note off addition. This really is a dream to play. Expressive, full and inspirational. What more could you want. This is an instrument you can compose with.

.........:::::::::***************:::::::::.........

Another instrument on my list was the Mellotron. This weird beast of a machine was and still is legendary. Still used today and flourishing with a new Version VI out now, the Mellotron is one of those strange creations that shouldn't exist. It is unbelieveably difficult to use and notoriously hard to service and transport. It's mechanics are the stuff of legend and have frustrated it's many users. But, despite all that, it has an endearing quality and does something that not very much else does.

The Mellotron was arguably the first proper keyboard sampler. In simple terms, sounds were recorded on strips of tape. A number of these strips were then assembled on a rack, inserted into the Mellotron which would then play them back like a tape player, but depending on the key struck, the appropriate tape strip would play. These strips lasted about 8 seconds, and when you released the key, there was an almighty thud as the mechanism dropped away. Even so, these machines have been used to great effect, most notably I guess in the intro to The Beatles classic "Strawberry Fields Forever" where John used the Flutes tapes to provide the eerie melody.

As a former Tron owner/user, Steve assembled a small collection of samples and decided to use them to assemble a faithful recreation of the Tron, minus all it's shortcomings. Although there are only seven tape racks recreated here, they are real good ones. Yes, the Flutes are there, as are the Choirs used by Isao Tomita. So is that ethereal sound used by Tony Banks in the Genesis classic "Watcher Of The Skies". There is also another Choir set, Strings, Violins and a Brass set here too. All immaculately sampled and looped so you too can have these legendary sounds that have been sought after for years and usually only obtainable in a raw or expensive format.

One play of the Mixed Choir and I could swear I WAS Tomita !! To give you more bang for your buck, Steve has used the Akai's amplitude envelope settings to give you some lush treatments of the sounds, all instantly recalled at the touch of a button or turn of a dial.

These samples had me thinking I was actually playing one of the ageing beasts. Close your eyes and you could almost feel Tomita, Banks or Lennon brushing you aside ;o)

So, yet again, Steve comes up trumps with two legendary instruments perfectly sampled and represented on the king of hardware samplers. Oh, and if you are one of the ever increasing number of software sampler users, don't fret. MFI (Multi Format Installer) versions of these will be out very soon to cater for your needs.

Ultimately, these are two highly detailed, respectful and versatile recreations of two legendary instruments. At last you can own these at a price that can't be denied. Check out the Hollow Sun webstore now for details, demos and of course, the order forms !

CP70

NewTron Bomb

Does the Tooth Fairy still exist ?

If so, I want my wisdom tooth back !!

Had the offending little bugger yanked out at 6pm last night (big thanks to Dr Birgani !!). Like I said before, I'm a typical bloke when it comes to my teeth. Only visit the dentist when I'm in agony. Well, I really was in agony yesterday, to the point of feeling nauseous and dizzy. I then mildly OD'd on Paracetamol & Codeine, which killed the pain but made me feel very woozy, and counted the hours till 6pm when the dentist had arranged to sort me out. Now, I've had a number of extractions, but when I was told that this particular tooth was my wisdom tooth, I had visions of a "foot on the shoulder" job or a nasty trip to hospital, but the remarkable ease with which he pulled this one out was nothing short of miraculous ! A few wiggles, a bit of pressure, a slight "crack" and out it popped !And not only did the pain disappear, but once the Novacaine wore off, there wasn't that familiar "bruised & battered" feeling you normally get. In fact, I was eating my dinner a couple of hours later and slept like a log last night.

Ahhhhhhhh :o)

So, I am now fully fit to watch the all important Norwich - Fulham game. It's gonna be a nervy day. Don't want to say too much without getting wound up or putting a jinx on the game ;o)

A little later on, I will be posting about my friends new sample CD releases and my opinions of them. Stay tuned.

Ha !

Did you see what I did there ?!?! ;o)

"L8erz"

Still here.....

Blimey, can't believe that it's been a week since my last entry ! Well, it's been a hectic week. Jackie's mum came up for a weeks visit last Wednesday, then we had all my parents and step-parents over on Sunday for a little birthday party for my baby girl who is now 1 year old ! Can't believe how quickly that has gone by.

Work is still the same old same old :( Although I have to say I'm having a bit more success these past couple of weeks. Maybe that has something to do with it being my local area that I'm currently working in ? Who knows, but as long as I'm being successful, it keeps the boss from breathing over my shoulder.

In football, my beloved Norwich City are one win away from Premiership survival. We currently sit 17th in the table, 1 point clear of the drop zone. If all 4 teams at the bottom lose, we stay up. But if we win, it doesn't matter what the others do, we will be a Premiership club next season. Thing is, we haven't won an away game all season and our last game is away at Fulham. Fulham haven't had the best of seasons themselves, flirting with the relegation zone for a while, but they have nothing left to play for except pride. The other relegation threatened teams have tough fixtures, so Sunday will be a real nail biter. It's also the first time in Premiership history that no team has been relegated before the final day.

As I write this, I am sat at home with chronic toothache :( It flared up last night and has kept me up all night. I have managed to find an NHS dentist that is taking new registrations (trust me, no-one was more surprised than me !!) and am off there at midday to get myself sorted.
I am useless when it comes to my teeth. I seem to have always had problems with my molars, ever since I was a kid, getting abscesses (sic) or having fillings, and now I have had 3 molars removed (not including the one I believe will be extracted today) and one molar has a crown on it. I'm not the best when it comes to dentists either, and have always delayed visits there. Each time I get a problem, I vow to be more consistent, but it soon fades. No-one to blame but myself though. Two Christmas ago, I had a very similar problem to the one I have now, and it all kicked off on Xmas day, which resulted in me having to find an emergency dentist on Xmas Day in Slough of all places (We were visiting Jackie's mum) and having a tooth pulled. Not pleasant.

Oh well, I best get ready to go and have some stranger pull a tooth out and leave me in pain for the rest of the day :(

U.S. Law - I swear they do it for the attention !!

Alabama

In Jasper, it is illegal for a husband to beat his wife with a stick larger in diameter than his thumb. It is illegal to play Dominos on Sunday. It is illegal to wear a fake moustache that causes laughter in church. Putting salt on a railroad track may be punishable by death.

Alaska

In Fairbanks, it is illegal to feed alcoholic beverages to a moose. While it is legal to shoot bears, waking sleeping bears for the purpose of taking a photograph is prohibited. A law in Fairbanks, does not allow moose to have sex on city streets.

Arizona

In Tucson, it is illegal for women to wear pants. In Globe, it is illegal to play cards in the street with a Native American. In Glendale, it is illegal to drive a car in reverse. In Nogales, it is illegal to wear suspenders.

Arkansas

A man can legally beat his wife, but not more than once a month. In Fayetteville, it is illegal to kill "any living creature." Schoolteachers who bob their hair may forfeit their pay raises. Flirtation between men and women on the streets of Little Rock may result in a 30-day jail term.

California

In Los Angeles, a man may legally beat his wife with a leather strap, as long as it is less than two inches wide, or she gives him permission to use a wider strap. It is a misdemeanor to shoot at any kind of game from a moving vehicle, unless the target is a whale. In Pacific Grove, "molesting" butterflies can result in a $500 fine. In Pasadena, it is illegal for a secretary to be alone in a room with her boss. It is illegal to set a mousetrap without a hunting license. In Long Beach, it is illegal to curse on a mini-golf course. In San Francisco, it is illegal to wipe one's car with used underwear. It is illegal to cry on the witness stand in Los Angeles courts. In Ventura County, cats and dogs are not allowed to have sex without a permit. In Los Angeles, a man is legally entitled to beat his wife with a leather belt or strap, but the belt can't be wider than 2 inches, unless he has his wife's consent to beat her with a wider strap. Consent should be given prior to the event, as is carefully stipulated.

Colorado

In Durango, it is illegal to go out in public dressed in clothing "unbecoming" one's sex. In Logan County, it is illegal for a man to kiss a woman while she is asleep. In Pueblo, it is illegal to let a dandelion grow within city limits.

Connecticut

In Hartford, it is illegal to educate a dog. It is illegal to dispose of used razor blades. In New Britain, the speed limit for fire trucks is 25 m.p.h., even when going to a fire. In Hartford, it is illegal for a man to kiss his wife on Sunday.

D.C.

The only acceptable sexual position in Washington D.C. is the missionary-style position. Any other sexual position is considered illegal.

Delaware

In Lewes, it is illegal to wear pants that are "form-fitting" around the waist. Getting married on a dare is grounds for an annulment. It is illegal to fly over any body of water, unless one is carrying sufficient supplies of food and drink.

Florida

In Miami, it is illegal for a man to wear any kind of strapless gown. Unmarried women who parachute on Sundays may be jailed. In Sarasota, it is illegal to sing while wearing a bathing suit. In Florida, it is illegal for single, divorced, or widowed women to parachute on Sunday afternoons.

Georgia

All males in the state between the ages of 16 and 50 are required to work on public roads. In Columbus, it is illegal to sit on one's porch in an indecent position. In Quitman, it is illegal for a chicken to cross a road. It is illegal to change the clothes on a storefront mannequin unless the shades are down.

Hawaii

It is illegal to appear in public wearing only swimming trunks. It is illegal to own a mongoose without a permit.

Idaho

In Pocatello, "the carrying of concealed weapons is forbidden, unless same are exhibited to public view." Also in Pocatello, "It is prohibited for pedestrians and motorists to display frowns, grimaces, scowls, threatening and glowering looks, gloomy and depressed facial appearances, generally all of which reflect unfavorably upon the city's reputation." Boxes of candy given as romantic gifts must weigh more than 50 pounds. It's safe to make love while parked in Coeur d'Alene. Police officers aren't allowed to walk up and knock on the window. Any suspicious officer who thinks that sex is taking place must drive up from behind, honk his horn three times and wait approximately two minutes before getting out of his car to investigate.

Illinois

In Chicago, people who are diseased, maimed, mutilated, or deformed to the point of being "an unsightly or disgusting object" are banned from going out in public. In Chicago, it is illegal to fish in one's pajamas. In Chicago, it is illegal to take a French poodle to the opera. According to state law, it is illegal to speak English. The officially recognized language is "American." In Guernee, it is illegal for women weighing more than 200 pounds to ride horses in shorts. In Joliet, it is illegal to mispronounce the name Joliet. A state law in Illinois mandates that all bachelors should be called master, not mister, when addressed by their female counterparts. In Oblong, it's punishable by law to make love while hunting or fishing on your wedding day.

Indiana

Monkeys are forbidden to smoke cigarettes in South Bend. In Gary, it is illegal to attend the theater within four hours of eating garlic. The Stepford Wives is banned in Warsaw.

Iowa

State law forbids any establishment from charging admission to see a one-armed piano player. In Fort Madison, firemen are required to practice for 15 minutes before attending a fire.In Ames, warn your hubby that after lovemaking, he isn't allowed to take more than three gulps of beer while lying in bed with you-or holding you in his arms.

Kansas

It is illegal for restaurants to sell cherry pie a la mode on Sundays. In Wichita, a man's mistreatment of his mother-in-law may not be used as grounds for divorce. In Wichita, it is illegal to carry a concealed bean snapper. In Lang, it is illegal to ride a mule down Main Street in August, unless the animal is wearing a straw hat. In Natoma, it is illegal to throw a knife at anyone wearing a striped shirt.

Kentucky

It is illegal for a woman to appear in a bathing suit on a highway unless she is: escorted by at least two police officers; armed with a club; or lighter than 90 pounds or heavier than 200 pounds. The ordinance also specifically exempts female horses from such restrictions. State law stipulates that a person is considered sober until he or she "cannot hold onto the ground." It is illegal to remarry the same man four times. An excerpt from brilliant Kentucky state legislation. "No female shall appear in a bathing suit on any highway within this state unless she be escorted by at least two officers or unless she be armed with a club." The following important amendment however is to be considered here: "The provisions of this statute shall not apply to females weighing less than 90 pounds nor exceeding 200 pounds, nor shall it apply to male horses."

Louisiana

In New Orleans, fire trucks are required by law to stop at all red lights. It is considered "simple assault" to bite someone in New Orleans; it is "aggravated assault" if the biter has false teeth. It is against the law to gargle in public.

Maine

In Portland, it is illegal for men to tickle women under the chin with feather dusters. The most money one can legally win gambling is three dollars. In Rumford, it is illegal for a tenant to bite his/her landlord. In Waterville, it is illegal to blow one's nose in public.

Maryland

In Baltimore, it is illegal to wash or scrub sinks, no matter how dirty they get. Every person who has bowled since 1833 may be fined $2 for each offense. In Halethorpe, it is illegal to kiss for more than one second. It's illegal to mistreat oysters. It's illegal to play Randy Newman's "Short People" on the radio.

Massachusetts

In Salem, even married couples are forbidden from sleeping in the nude in rented rooms. It is illegal to wear a goatee without a license. North Andover prohibits its citizens from carrying "space guns." State legislation forbids dueling with water pistols. In Boston, it is illegal to take a bath unless one has been ordered by a physician to do so. In 1659, the state outlawed Christmas.

Michigan

In Clawson, it is legal for a farmer to "sleep with his pigs, cows, horses, goats, and chickens." A state law stipulates that a woman's hair legally belongs to her husband. In Detroit, it is illegal to make love in a car unless it is parked on your property. In Detroit, it is illegal to "ogle" a woman from a moving car. In Port Huron, the speed limit for ambulances in 20 m.p.h. Under state law, dentists are officially classified as "mechanics." In Detroit, couples are not allowed to make love in an automobile unless the act takes place while the vehicle is parked on the couple's own property. In Michigan, a woman isn't allowed to cut her own hair without her husband's permission.

Minnesota

Women may face up to 30 days in jail if they impersonate Santa Claus. In Minneapolis, double-parkers can be put on a chain gang. Every man in Brainerd is required by law to grow a beard. It's illegal to tease skunks.In Alexandria, no man is allowed to make love to his wife with the smell of garlic, onions, or sardines on his breath. If his wife so requests, law mandates that he must brush his teeth.

Mississippi

It is still legal to kill one's "servant." In Truro, a would-be groom must "prove himself manly" prior to marriage by hunting and killing either six blackbirds or three crows.

Missouri

In Saco, women are forbidden from wearing hats that "might frighten timid persons, children or animals." In St. Louis, it is illegal for an on-dutyfirefighter to rescue a woman wearing a nightgown; in order to be rescued, a woman must be fully dressed. While children may purchase shotguns in Kansas City, they are not allowed to buy toy cap guns. Missouri considers drunkenness an "inalienable right." In Merryville, women are prohibited from wearing corsets because "The privilege of admiring the curvaceous, unencumbered body of a young woman should not be denied to the normal, red-blooded American male."

Montana

It is a felony for a wife to open her husband's mail. It is a misdemeanor to show movies that depict acts of felonious crime. In Whitehall, it is illegal to operate a vehicle with ice picks attached to the wheels. Bozeman, has a law that bans all sexual activity between members of the opposite sex in thefront yard of a home after sundown-if they're nude. A law in Helena, mandates that a woman can't dance on a table in a saloon or bar unless she has on at least three pounds, two ounces of clothing.

Nebraska

It is illegal for a mother to give her daughter a perm without a state license. In Waterloo, barbers are forbidden from eating onions between 7am and 7pm. In Omaha, barbers are forbidden from shaving their customers' chests. If a child burps during a church service in Omaha, his or her parents may be arrested. It is illegal for bar owners to sell beer unless they are simultaneously brewing a kettle of soup. The owner of every hotel in Hastings, is required to provide each guest with a clean and pressed nightshirt. No couple, even if they are married, may sleep together in the nude. Nor may they have sex unless they are wearing one of these clean, white cotton nightshirts.

Nevada

In Nyala, a man is forbidden from buying drinks for more than three people other than himself at any one period during the day. It is illegal to drive a camel on the highway. In Eureka, men who wear moustaches are forbidden from kissing women. Everyone walking on the streets of Elko is required to wear amask. In Nevada, sex without a condom is considered illegal.

New Hampshire

It is illegal to sell the clothes one is wearing to pay off a gambling debt. It is illegal to check into a hotel under an assumed name.

New Jersey

It is against the law to "frown" at a police officer. In Newark, it is illegal to sell ice cream after 6pm, unless the customer has a note from his doctor. It is illegal to slurp soup. In Trenton, it is illegal to throw a bad pickle in the street. Any couple making out inside a vehicle, and accidentally sounding the horn during their lustful act, may be taken to jail according to a Liberty Corner, New Jersey law.

New Mexico

In Raton, it is illegal for a woman to ride horseback down a public street with a kimono on. The Merriam-Webster Collegiate Dictionary is banned in Carlsbad. State officials ordered 400 words of "sexually explicit material" to be cut from Romeo and Juliet. During lunch breaks in Carlsbad, no couple should engage in a sexual act while parked in their vehicle, unless their car has curtains.

New York

In New York City, it is illegal for a woman to be on the street wearing "body hugging clothing." In New York City, it is illegal for a man to turn around and look "at a woman in that way," and violators are forced to wear horse blinders. In Staten Island, it is illegal for a father to call his son a "faggot" or "queer" in an effort to curb "girlie behavior." In New York City, "It is disorderly conduct for one man to greet another on the street by placing the end of his thumb against the tip of his nose, at the same time extending and wiggling the fingers of his hand."

North Carolina

In Charlotte, women must have their bodies covered by at least 16 yards of cloth at all times. In Ashville, it is illegal to sneeze on city streets. Ironically, Hornytown has banned all massage parlors. State law mandates that all couples staying in rooms for one night must be kept in room with double beds, kept a minimum of two feet apart, and making love on the floor between the beds is strictly forbidden. It is illegal to have sex in a churchyard.

North Dakota

In Fargo, one may be jailed for wearing a hat while dancing, or even for wearing a hat to a function where dancing is taking place. It is illegal to lie down and fall asleep with your shoes on. It is illegal to serve beer and pretzels at the same time in any bar, club, or restaurant.

Ohio

In Cleveland, women are forbidden from wearing patent leather shoes, lest men see reflections of their underwear. In Columbus, it is illegal for stores to sell cornflakes on Sunday. In Oxford, it is illegal for a women to disrobe in front of a man's picture. In Youngstown, it is illegal to run out of gas. Catch 22 is banned in Strongville. In Oxford, it's illegal for a woman to strip off her clothing while standing in front of a man's picture.

Oklahoma

People who make "ugly faces" at dogs may be fined and/or jailed. In Schulter, it is illegal for a woman to gamble in the nude, in lingerie, or while wearing a towel. Clinton, has a law against masturbating while watching two people having sex in a car.

Oregon

One may not bathe without wearing "suitable clothing," i.e., that which covers one's body from neck to knee. The town of Hood River prohibits the act of juggling without a license. Salem has barred women's wrestling. In Marion, ministers are forbidden from eating garlic or onions before delivering a sermon. In Willowdale, no man may curse while having sex with his wife.

Pennsylvania

Any motorist who sights a team of horses coming toward him must pull well off the road, cover his car with a blanket or canvas that blends with the countryside, and let the horses pass. If the horses appear skittish, the motorist must take his car apart, piece by piece, and hide it under the nearest bushes." In Morrisville, women need a permit to wear cosmetics. Ministers are forbidden from performing marriages when either the bride or groom is drunk. In Harrisburg, it is illegal to have sex with a truck driver inside a toll booth.

Rhode Island

In Providence, it is illegal to sell toothpaste and a toothbrush to the same customer on a Sunday. It is illegal to throw pickle juice on a trolley. In Newport, it is illegal to smoke a pipe after sunset.

South Carolina

Every citizen is obliged to carry his gun to church. No horses are allowed into Fountain Inn unless they are wearing pants. In Charleston, all carriagehorses must wear diapers.

South Dakota

It is illegal to lie down and fall asleep in a cheese factory. Movies that show police officers being struck, beaten, or treated in an offensive manner are forbidden. In hotels in Sioux Falls, every room is required to have twin beds. And the beds must always be a minimum of two feet apart when a couple rents a room for only one night. And it's illegal to make love on the floor between the beds!

Tennessee

It is illegal to use a lasso to catch a fish. In Dyersburg, it is illegal for a woman to call a man for a date. In Memphis restaurants, it is illegal to give any pie to fellow diners. It is also illegal to take unfinished pie home. All pie must be eaten on the premises. Also in Memphis, it is illegal for a woman to drive by herself; "a man must walk or run in front of the vehicle, waving a red flag in order to warn approaching pedestrians and motorists."

Texas

The entire Encyclopedia Britannica is banned in Texas because it contains a formula for making beer at home. A recently passed anticrime law requires criminals to give their victims 24 hours notice, either orally or in writing, and to explain the nature of the crime to be committed. In El Paso, churches, hotels, halls of assembly, stores, markets, banking rooms, railroad depots, and saloons are required to provide spittoons "of a kind and number to efficiently contain expectorations into them." It is illegal to milk another person's cow. In Houston, it is illegal to sell Limburger cheese on Sunday. In LeFors, it is illegal to take more than three swallows of beer while standing. In San Antonio, it is illegal for both sexes to flirt or respond to flirtation using the eyes and/or hands. In Mesquite, it is illegal for children to have unusual haircuts. In Kingsville, there is a law against two pigs having sex on the city's airport property.

Utah

Birds have the right of way on all highways. A husband is responsible for every criminal act committed by his wife while she is in his presence. In Monroe, daylight must be visible between partners on a dance floor. A Tremonton, Utah law states that no woman is allowed to have sex with a man while riding in an ambulance. In addition to normal charges, the woman's name will be published in the local newspaper. The man does not receive any punishment. Utah state legislation outlaws all sex with anyone but your spouse. Next to that adultery, oral and anal sex, and masturbation are considered sodomy and can lead to imprisonment. Sex with an animal - unless performed for profit - however is NOT considered sodomy. Polygamy - provided only the missionary position has been applied - is only a misdemeanor.

Vermont

Women must obtain written permission from their husbands to wear false teeth. It is illegal to deny the existence of God. It is illegal to whistle underwater.

Virginia

In Richmond, it is illegal to flip a coin in any eating establishment to determine who buys a cup of coffee. In Norfolk, a man may face 60 days in jail for patting a woman's derriere. There is a state law prohibiting "corrupt practices of bribery by any person other than candidates." In Lebanon, it is illegal to kick your wife out of bed. In Norfolk, a woman can't go out without wearing a corset. (There was a Civil Service job--for men only--called a corset inspector.)

Washington

In Seattle, women who sit on men's laps on buses or trains without placing a pillow between them face an automatic six-month jail term. In Auburn, men who deflower virgins, regardless of age or marital status, may face up to five years in jail. Seattle residents may not carry concealed weapons longer than six feet. It is illegal to pretend that one's parents are rich. In the state of Washington there is a law against having sex with a virgin under any circumstances. (Including the wedding night.)

West Virginia

In Nicholas County, no clergy members may tell jokes or humorous stories from the pulpit during church services. Doctors and dentists may not place a woman under anesthesia unless a third person is present. It is illegal to snooze on a train.

Wisconsin

In St. Croix, women are not allowed to wear anything red in public. It is illegal to cut a woman's hair. It is illegal to kiss on a train. Cheese making requires a cheese maker's license; Limburger cheese making requires a master cheese maker's license. In Connorsville, no man shall shoot off a gun while his female partner is having a sexual orgasm.

Wyoming

It is illegal to wear a hat that obstructs peoples' view in a public theater or place of amusement. It is illegal for women to stand within five feet of a bar while drinking. An ordinance in Newcastle, specifically bans couples from having sex while standing inside a store's walk-in meat freezer!

40 Signs That You've Been Hanging Around Synths and Samplers too long...

The Top 40 Signs That You've Been Hanging Around Synths and Samplers
Too Long:

40. You not only tap in time to the indicators on your car, but know
how many BPM they flash at.
39. You go to hear an orchestra with your girlfriend, and while she
listens to the beautiful music, you calculate the polyphony required
to reproduce it.
38. In addition to your in and out trays at work, you also have one marked
'thru'.
37. Last Christmas you synced your Christmas tree lights to your TB-303.
36. The accelerator on your car has aftertouch.
35. Your cat's name is Octave.
34. You expect the cutoff frequency of your door to change when you turn
the knob...
33. Your girlfriend/wife drapes a wig over your favorite synth to remind
you what she looks like.
32. You step out of your studio and realize that your family moved and you
don't have a clue when it happened.
31. You have "Frequency" and "Resonance" tattooed above your nipples.
(Don't ask where the pitchbend is...)
30. Your daughter's new boyfriend has tattoos, rides a Harley, and doesn't
have a job. But you don't mind because his name is Roland.
29. Your telephone answering machine message took 2 days to write and
produce.
28. There is no couch, coffee table, dinner table or chairs in your
apartment; only racks, mixers, keyboards, cables and power cords.
27. You have bass bins for end tables.
26. It is dangerous to walk around in your own living room at night.
(See 2)
25. There's a giant yellow ball in the sky, and your not quite sure
what it is, but when you go outside it burns out your retinas and
makes your skin glow.
24. You wait until 12:01 A.M. to read the on-line music classified
ads and can effectively scan them in under a minute.
23. You neer answer the phone. (Hmm...I wonder if it's to get
people to listen to the answering message you spent so much time on
in 29?)
22. When all your significant other has to say, "Oh no, not another
one" and you know what they're talking about.
21. If you just like to sit in the dark and watch all the pretty
lights blink and glow.
20. If you perk-up on Sundays when you hear the word "Prophet".
19. You would rather fiddle with your synthesizer's knobs than
fiddle with your girlfriend's/wife's knobs.
18. Somehow, you haven't been able to budget for clothes for 2+
years, but you have found thousands of dollars to buy gear.
17. Your girlfriend/wife goes to bed, You go to your STUDIO.
16. Your friends say "Why would you pay $XXX for that piece of
crap?" and you glare back and actually get offended...
15. You can tell the difference between 12dB/24dB filters by ear...
14. You prefer "analog" instead of "digital" home appliances
because 'they just work better '
13. You start wondering if you can obtain a 24 db neural implant to
filter your ever-increasing tinnitus problem.
12. You devise a method of connecting your CV sequencer to a mains
relay to trigger the coffee machine every 1,024 gate pulses
11. Every piece of clothing you own has a synth manufacturers logo
on it. You scam them for free every trade show you attend. This
allows more money for the important things in life.
10. Your wife/girlfriend leaves you. You go into a depression for a
while, then decide you can win her back with a simple, touching and
heartfelt song, written especially for her. 6 months later, you are
still mixing it.
9. You go to a trade show. You rush over to the brand new synth on
display, fiddle for 5 minutes, declare it "a piece of crap" and then
go on to tell the company reps how it works, where the PCM samples
came from, and offer to do them better samples from your own analog
wardrobes all in a very loud voice. They give you an embroidered
tour jacket on the condition that you go away NOW. (see 11)
8. Synth manufacturers call YOU for technical support.
7. First thing you think of after sex is turning on your synths.
6. You get excited about talking electronic toys and try to subvert
them into saying bad words or doing weird stuff so you can sample
them.
5. You dream of finding a $50.00 Moog 55 at a garage sale, and after
you've thought of it, you stop at every one you see!
4. You carry around a picture of your modular in your wallet to show
everyone.
3. Your monthly power bill is always in the triple digits.
2. You have a rack-mounted microwave oven.
...and the the #1 sign that you've been hanging around synths and
samplers too long:
You understand every last term and joke used in this article

Everybody wants a 303....so build your own !!

If, like me, you've always wanted a Roland TB-303 Bassline, but have never had the ridiculous amounts of money needed to buy these second hand, why not build your own ?

Limor Fried has reverse engineered an original 303 and then set about creating her own version, callled x0xb0x, which is as close to the original as is possible.

You too can now own one for $300, but the catch is that your $300 buys you the kit. You have to assemble it yourself.

So if you feel competent enough, and you have $300 and want to join the waiting list, go get yourself the next best thing to an original.

Check out her other projects here.

Mobile Music Studio

Being the Failed Muso that I am, I am constantly on the look out for that wonder bit of kit that could change my fortunes. So imagine my joy when I discovered Syntrax, and imagine my sheer delight when I realised it was free for my mobile phone !!!

Yes, a sequencer, soft synth, sample editor and filters all on a Series 60 Symbian mobile, Pocket PC or Symbian UIQ phone. The Series 60 version is free and the others cost a measly $20 !!

Just check the spec:

* Upto 8 stereo audio channels simultaneously (previously only 6)
* Playback of samples with bi-directional looping support
* Realtime sound synthesis with 15 sound generation effects
* Realtime effects like filters, morphs and echoes
* A built in small sample editor
* A full featured sequencer
* Dynamic playback options (songspeed, groove, muting etc..)
* Realtime instrument parameter changing
* A lot of preset songs and sounds for you to start working with
* User adjustable sound quality for slower PocketPC's/Mobile phones
* Memory card support
* A custom graphical user interface (knobs and dials)
* A heavily optimized sound core designed to give high performace on devices with low rources.
* MIDI and Wav export functions

These devices have been succesfully tested with Syntrax

PocketPC
All PocketPC Models (Arm/XScale/Mips/SH3)

Symbian Series 60
Nokia NGage
Nokia NGage-QD
Nokia 6260
Nokia 6600
Nokia 6620
Nokia 6630
Nokia 7610
Nokia 7650
Siemens SX-1

Symbian UIQ
Sony Ericsson p800
Sony Ericsson P900
Sony Ericsson p910i
Motorola A920
Motorola A925

Uncompatible devices:
Nokia 3650
Nokia 3660

They hope to add these devices very soon.


Impressed ? I was.... go give it a try.

Scariest Moment Of My Life

During my 35 years on this planet, I've had a few scary moments, but none as scary as the one I had today.

My partner, Jackie, called me up and started off by saying how she had been changing our daughters nappy (a scary enough task in itself sometimes) and she had seen something "lurking" in the deposit within. She described it as a tiny metal tube, and as soon as she said that, my stomach went all funny, my legs went wobbly and a chill ran through my entire body.

Why ? Because I knew, as soon as she said that, what it was, and more importantly, it was my fault !!

A couple of days ago, my step son David had asked me to add a link to his watch strap (I used to work for Argos and had become quiet adept at doing this for the Jewellery dept.). The first thing I had to do was detach the clasp mechanism by popping the tiny sprung bar out. As soon as I did, the spring shot out like a bullet and fell somewhere near my computer desk in the corner of the living room. It sounded like it had gone behind the PC and I checked the floor and couldn't see anything, so I assumed it had gone behind out of harms way.

Obviously not !!! Sofia must have found it and, as most 1 year old children do, put it in her mouth and swallowed it. All I could think of is it doing some kind of damage internally and I just freaked out !! I even came close to tears.

Jackie re-assured me, and she called the doctor who said there should be nothing to worry about at all, especially as it had passed straight through with no visible signs of any distress throughout it's passage !

The pure terror that my negligence might have harmed the most precious thing I have in the world was overwhelming and took a while to get over, but as any parent will testify, it's all part of the process and I'm sure there will be more to come !

Anyway, we have her 1st birthday coming up on Friday, so plenty of time for extra fuss ;o)

Soft or Hard ??

Calm down, nothing X-rated here, sorry to say !

Since I got into Korg's Legacy collection of VST instruments, recreating the classic Wavestation, Polysix and MS-20, I have gone soft synth crazy, downloading demo's of all major synths and digging out discarded old VSTi's that I hadn't bothered installing on my old PC due to it's inability to cope with their hardware demands.

Now that I have an AMD Athlon64 3000+, with 1GB of RAM, I finally have a machine capable of running these things.

But I still believe that hardware is by far the best option when it comes to music making.

Why ? Because hardware is instant, tactile and doesn't require a particular spec of computer to run. You can press the On button and away you go. Hardware doesn't run out of memory or CPU time. Everything is there, in your face, awaiting your input. Unlike software, which is the exact opposite. I still hate having to stare at small windows on my monitor, mousing all over the place.

But, I cannot deny the range and quality of sounds these things produce and at incredible prices too. I have debated the pros and cons of hardware and software amongst fellow musicians and sound developers, even had stuff published in the music press, yet still the debate goes on.

Where do I think it will all end ? Well, the Muse Receptor (pictured above) seems a step in the right direction. An AMD based machine that is designed to purely run VST's, the Receptor is the first in what I believe is a long step towards the new breed of instruments that blend the best of both worlds.

Until that time, and until the time my bank balance can cope with it, we will have to patiently wait and see what unfolds. In the meantime, I will use a combination of the two, but not at the expense of losing the creative streak that is usually disrupted by having to allow for the usual crashes and reboots etc that us electronic musicians are more than used to.

Feel free to leave your comments below.

Korg Legacy

Ok, I know the Legacy has been around for a bit, but I took the plunge today and got the full version. I'd been toying with the demo for so long now that I decided it was worth getting.

All I can say is a big fat hairy WOW !!!

Once I got it installed, I found a bucket load of Wavestation patches that are freely available on the net and found that they all work a treat in Legacy.

The replica MS-20 hardware controller is great fun, but is more of a novelty. It's not full size, completely useless without the Legacy software and is quite ok for messing with the MS-20, but the Wavestation & PolySix deserve better. Still, it looks cool ;o)

Sitting here playing with these sounds is like taking a trip back in time but there are sounds there that are still used today and have inspired many other sounds themselves.

I whole heartedly recommend this product. Get the demo for PC or MAC.

Oh, and it integrates seamlessly as a VSTi (I have tried it in Tracktion 1 & Tracktion 2, Cubase SX, Nuendo & Ableton Live 4)

Musical eBay gems Pt.2

You may recall that I posted about some classic synths for sale on eBay UK. These were a couple of Fairlights and a Synclavier, once owned by Chris Hughes and used on such seminal 80's works by Tears For Fears and Wang Chung.

Well, they finally sold, but sadly my bids of £1.99 weren't enough !!

The Synclavier went for £2050, the Fairlight II for £1838 and the Fairlight III for £2300.

Worth every penny, if not more.

Hope they've gone to a good home :o)

Henri Camara.....curses upon you !!!

Harsh ? Well, Henri's last minute strike gave the Saints all 3 points in the bottom of the table clash at St. Mary's yesterday, pushing my beloved Canaries back into bottom spot of the Premiership. Still, there's only one point between all four teams ensconced in the relegation dog fight and 2 games and 6 points to play for.

Believe !!

The busiest band in Norfolk ???

I think not !!! LOL

Check out their hectic schedule !!! And such a wide range of top venues too !

And for someone who hates people that "brag", I don't think you can broadcast the acquisition of your new scooter any louder than on the Interweb !!

But like the Murphys, I'm not bitter ;o)

Hang on a minute, why the feck am I giving this bunch free plugs ?? Oh, hang on, no-one reads this anyway !! LOL ;o)

Daniel Corbett - Weather Presenter Extraordinaire !!

Since the birth of my daughter almost a year ago, we have had that unenviable pleasure of getting up about 6am every morning and therefore have been able to sample the delights that are breakfast TV. The BBC tends to be our favourite, in between doses of CBeebies !!

During our viewings, we have become enamoured with the weather stylings of one Mr Daniel Corbett and his amazingly cheery presentation style, with his trademark "..and that's the weather" sign off, accompanied by the sweeping hand gesture ending in a pointed finger.

Daniel seems to have had a much travelled career and you can certainly see his American training, but he retains a great deal of "Britishness" !

Check him out !!

Re-Design Of A Decade - Janet Jackson remix album

Re-Design Of A Decade is a top collection of JJ remixes by some of the finest bootleggers out there.

Go get 'em while you can, and don't forget to leave a contribution to the supported charity :)